READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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