Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
