You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
