you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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