i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
