You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
