omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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