My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
