she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
