I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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