I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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