Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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