A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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