The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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