I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You need a sexual gate keeper
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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