If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
