Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
