Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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