I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
