Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
