i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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