Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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