You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
