sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
nutella sex= disaster
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
