Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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