Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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