Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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