Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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