my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
