i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize