That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
