I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she peed on how many people?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
