We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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