I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
