Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
