I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
