dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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