Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
