and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize