i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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