Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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