Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
