my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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