I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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