I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
