I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
