If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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