so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
