How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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