my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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