Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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