your thong is hanging out like whoa
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
