His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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