In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
