Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A+ Viking dick
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Text me some of your sweat
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