He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
