Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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