before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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