I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
