So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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