I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
