I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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