cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
