My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
