Fuck appropriateness.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
