He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
