AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my poor anus
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
