this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
