his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
