I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
