She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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