Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
